


Itsy Bitsy Spider

by thekeyholder



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Dates, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 09:24:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15288486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekeyholder/pseuds/thekeyholder
Summary: Jim is terribly afraid of spiders and has no one to ask to get rid of the one in his hallway. Until he has a brilliant idea and Oswald, his knight in black leather, arrives on a shiny motorcycle and saves him. (or that AU where I wanted Oswald to be a fucking badass wearing leather)





	Itsy Bitsy Spider

**Author's Note:**

> *crawls out of a hole* Hey there, I'm still alive. :D Finally done with my thesis, so hopefully I can do more writing in the future. This is just a silly story inspired by [this](https://www.buzzfeed.com/ikrd/this-student-ordered-kfc-just-to-ask-the-deliveroo-driver?bfsource=bbf_enuk&utm_term=.huwxZM48n#.teLQREmPk) article. Hope you enjoy :)

People had been telling Jim that his fear was ridiculous, childish even, but that had never made it easier. On the contrary, it made him sweat even more, cheeks burning with shame.

 

It was really bad this time. Usually, he had it under control, could call his older brother or a friend to get rid of the ugly arachnid, but he was caught off-guard that morning as he opened his door, a huge spider glaring at him from the corner of the hallway, right next to where the kitchen door was.

 

“Harvey!” he shouted out of habit for his flatmate, then he remembered that his friend went camping with Lucius and Alvarez. 

 

Jim had no choice, but to barricade himself in his room then, slamming the door shut. He leaned against it with a pained expression, helpless as his panic rose, trying to take deep breaths, but his lungs refused to cooperate.

 

He should have gone on that damn camping trip, but he refused on account of the criminal justice law exam taking place in two days. He thought he was going to study with the dorm being mostly empty, but now he regretted his decision, considering that the spider was going to eat him whole. Fuck, those thin and long legs made his skin crawl.

 

He had to stop, Jim recognised that he was being ridiculous. He couldn't let panic take over his mind.  _ Breathe in, breathe out _ , he told himself, closing his eyes and thinking of pleasant things.

 

It took a while, but he managed to slow his desperate panting. Now he just needed to distract himself. He got his textbook and highlighter, turning his full attention towards studying. Of course, his thoughts tried to return to the spider, but he shut them down, his anxieties over the most difficult exam of the term winning over.

 

At some point, his stomach started rumbling. He briefly thought about dashing past the spider and into the kitchen, but the thought of it jumping on his neck stopped any further consideration. He had to have a granola bar in his bag…

 

Of course, only the wrapper was there. Just his luck.

 

He could wait until Harvey got home. He could totally go a few days without eating. Of course, he could.

 

He couldn't.

 

“This is impossible,” he murmured to himself as he peered from a tiny crack in his door at the spider who was having the time of its life in the dark corner, thank you very much.

 

Jim closed the door, then started pacing around his room. He was going to die in his room. Harvey would come back and find his corpse on the floor. At least then he wouldn't have to take the exam…

 

If he couldn't get to the kitchen, maybe he could order some food. But that would also entail walking by the spider. Shit.

 

Food had to be delivered, though. What if… No, that was stupid. But maybe it could work. Jim's hope rose again as an unusual solution presented itself. Maybe he could ask the delivery person to get the spider. 

 

The first place he tried was a pizzeria not far from the dorm.

 

“You want the delivery guy to do what?”

 

“Kill the spider in the house.”

 

The owner laughed out loud before hanging up.

 

Jim then tried the next option Google showed him. Oswald's – Hungarian cuisine, he read, wiping his sweaty palms on his pjs. The purple umbrella logo seemed familiar; he was pretty certain he had passed by the establishment before. Whether the food was good was quite irrelevant at this point.

 

He called the number, wondering whether he should tell the person who would pick up the phone about his problem or just explain it when the delivery person arrived. 

 

“Oswald's. How may I help you?” a gentle, accented female voice asked and Jim's instincts told him that he could trust her.

 

“Hi, I'd like to order food from you, but I have a slightly odd request,” Jim said, biting his lip.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I, uh, there's a huge spider in the hallway and I'm terribly afraid of it. There's no one else I can ask for help, so uh, do you think your delivery guy could get it?”

 

Jim waited breathlessly.

 

“Aww, darling, spiders are terrible. Just a second, let me check if my son is available,” she said, her soft voice soothing Jim's worries. “Oswald!”

 

Oh. The woman was calling the owner? Jim really hoped he wouldn't refuse his mother.

 

He heard muffled voices coming from the line, then the woman came back. “It's fine, my son will get rid of that spider for you. So what would you like to order? I can recommend the goulash and the stuffed cabbage from the lunch menu.”

 

Jim smiled to himself. He didn't know much about Hungarian cuisine, but he'd heard of goulash before. “The goulash will be fine, thank you.”

 

He then gave her the address and was assured that his food and saviour would arrive in twenty minutes. Jim thanked her profusely and apologised for his strange request.

 

“Don't worry, darling. Spiders are ugly, I hate them too.”

 

Jim was relieved that he wasn't the object of ridicule, though he was still nervous as he remembered that he'd have to walk by the spider when the delivery guy arrived. He spent the next minutes thinking of the best way to open the door.

 

The bell rang sooner than expected, so Jim just took a deep breath and ran as fast as he could across the hallway.

 

“That was…”

 

Jim's breath stuttered as the delivery guy took off his helmet, revealing black hair and gorgeous eyes, shooting him a cheeky smile.

 

“...fast.” 

 

Jim swallowed dryly when he noticed the shiny black motorcycle parked a few meters away. Why was he feeling so hot suddenly?

 

“Where's the beast?”

 

“E-end of the hallway, in the corner by the kitchen,” Jim said, blushing when the man smiled at him as he entered the house.

 

Jim noticed then that the man had a limp, though he walked rather fast. “May I leave the food in the kitchen?”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

Jim stopped at a safe distance, watching as the man brought a chair and glass from the kitchen. “Do you have a sheet of paper?”

 

Jim slipped into his room and took one of the notes he didn't need anymore.

 

“That's a large spider you got there,” the man said, smiling as their fingers brushed when Jim gave him the paper. 

 

“Are you not disgusted by it? It makes my skin crawl just looking at it from here,” Jim said, relieved that the guy didn’t downplay the size of the spider as others surely would.

 

“I always had to catch the spiders in our house since it was just my mother and I,” the man said as he got on the chair. “Guess I overcame the fear.”

 

To prove his point, he quickly placed the glass over the spider and moved it down carefully so that he could slid the paper underneath it. Jim was awed by the fact that the man was saving the spider instead of just squashing it. He didn't like spiders, but as long as they stayed out of his field of vision, he was fine.

 

The young man had trouble getting off the chair since his hands were occupied, stumbling a bit as he jumped. Jim felt guilty when he saw him wince and hurried to his aid, catching his right arm securely. He was such an asshole, he should have helped him sooner.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Jim was rewarded with a dazzling smile, his breath knocked out by kindness he didn’t think he deserved. It was the first time he acknowledged just how well-looking the guy was, with his tight jeans and cool black leather jacket.

 

“The spider…” the man reminded him, and Jim let go reluctantly.

 

He watched as the man went outside, and released the spider on the other side of the street. Jim was flooded by waves of relief.

 

“It's gone now.”

 

The words were barely out of the his mouth when Jim just went up and hugged him. “Thank you,” he murmured against the man's shoulder, his nose filled with the smell of leather and expensive cologne.

 

He shivered when the man reciprocated the hug and patted his back. “You’re welcome.”

 

He looked at the young man, momentarily surprised by the freckles around his nose. Jim's knees were getting weak.

 

“I’m Oswald, by the way.”

 

“James. Jim. Nice to meet you.”

 

It felt strange to shake hands after the hug, the gesture more formal, but their fingers lingered.

 

“Cute pyjamas,” Oswald said, impish twinkle in his eyes.

 

Jim only then realised that he forgot to change, and he was still wearing his pyjamas with little penguins on it. “Shit.”

 

Here was the coolest, most badass guy he'd ever met and he was wearing penguin pjs. Just great.

 

“I mean it,” Oswald said, still holding Jim's hand. “Penguins are my favourite animals.”

 

Jim blushed. Maybe Oswald didn't think he was a loser. “Let me get my wallet.”

 

When he grabbed it from his desk, he also noticed the two tickets and took them on an impulse. He gave Oswald the money for the delivery and a sizeable tip, then held out the two tickets.

 

“What are those?”

 

“Tickets for the Cubs and Knights hockey match. My flatmate got them, but he's away on a camping trip all week. Thought you might like to go with someone.”

 

Oswald took the tickets with confusion. “Why don't you want to go?”

 

Jim shrugged. “Alone? That's not fun.”

 

“What if the someone I wanted to go with was you?” Oswald asked, voice unwavering, but the apples of his cheek turned slightly pink.

 

Jim opened his mouth, but no sound came out in the first moment. “I’d really love that,” he managed after a while, and Oswald’s answering smile turned his insides into mush.

 

“You keep those tickets then, and I’ll pick you up Wednesday evening at six, if that suits you.”

 

“Yes, yes of course,” Jim agreed, maybe a bit too enthusiastically, but it was worth seeing Oswald smile again.

 

“May I have your phone number?” Oswald asked, hopeful. “In case something happens.”

They exchanged numbers, Oswald thanking him so sweetly, it made Jim blush again. However, before they could talk more, Oswald's phone rang. He answered in a foreign language, probably in Hungarian. He ended the short call with a sigh.

 

“I'm sorry, but I have to go. Another delivery.”

 

Jim walked Oswald to the door, trying not to sound as shy as he felt. “See you on Wednesday?”

 

“Yes, definitely.” Oswald extended his hand and Jim shook it, all the while unable to look away from Oswald's eyes.

 

Jim went to his room with a huge smile plastered on his face. He had a date. With the hottest guy, no less.

 

It was past midnight when Jim decided to close his hefty textbook and call it a day. He worried that he wouldn't be able to revise everything, but he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. As he got into his bed, he noticed his phone flashing with a new notification.

 

_ Hi, Jim. Sorry for the late message, it was very busy today. Hope you had a nice, spider-free day. Oswald _

 

Jim smiled; he didn't expect a text so soon.

 

_ Hello there. No spiders thankfully, though I kept checking every corner. Hope you can sleep in. The goulash was fantastic, by the way. :) _

 

_ Ah, you're still awake! Having fun somewhere? Glad you liked it, I made it myself. _

 

A hot guy who could cook as well? Jim was impressed.

 

_ Fun? I wish. I was studying all day for a super tough exam. _

 

_ Oh :( when is it? Good luck! _

 

_ Tuesday. Thanks, I really need it.  _

 

_ You’ll do well, I know it. But now we both need sleep. Good night! _

 

Jim smiled as he turned off the lights.  _ Good night, Oswald. :) _

 

In the next days, Jim and Oswald were texting back and forth when their schedules allowed it. Jim hoped he'd manage to at least slightly improve his image. He still found it hard to believe that such an impressive guy as Oswald would ask him out even after witnessing his terrible phobia and questionable night wear.

 

Tuesday afternoon Jim got rid of the exam, which went fairly well. He liked to think that Oswald had brought him luck. He even texted that to his new friend.

 

_ Oh really? Or maybe it was the spider. _ Oswald joked.  _ You know, in some cultures they are considered lucky. _

 

_ No way. Although… it did get me a date with you. _ Jim bit his lip, wondering if his text was too bold.

 

_ Uh oh, then we'd better make it a good one. ;) _

 

Wednesday evening finally came, and Jim had restyled his hair at least three times. He tried to dress casually, and finally decided for tight jeans, a Gotham Cubs t-shirt and a black hoodie. The ensemble image wasn't that bad.

 

Oswald arrived punctually, and Jim watched him with fascination. He never really thought about guys on motorcycle before, or guys in general, but ever since he’d met Oswald he often caught himself daydreaming about the handsome restaurant owner. He was wearing the leather jacket that fit him so well.

 

“Hi, Oswald.”

 

“Jim.”

 

He didn't know whether he was supposed to go for a hug or a handshake, though he supposed that the latter would be too formal, despite their short acquaintance.

 

Luckily, Oswald wasn't so hesitant, he hugged Jim to himself with a wide smile. Jim's stomach burst with butterflies, and he closed his eyes as he took in Oswald's cologne, cool and elegant just like the man itself.

 

“How are you?”

 

“Excited about the game,” Jim replied, though in all honesty, he was looking forward to the date much more.

 

“I can see you're prepared,” Oswald said, looking at his shirt. “Shall we?”

 

Jim bit his lip when Oswald offered him a helmet. “This is going to be my first time on a motorcycle.”

 

“Are you nervous? I can drive more slowly.”

 

“No, no, that's okay.”

 

Jim swallowed as he got on the motorcycle and put his arms around Oswald's waist, blushing when Oswald briefly squeezed his hand. God, he was so close, he could feel his warmth even through all the layers of clothing between them.

 

“Ready?”

 

“Let's go.”

 

Jim's hold tightened as the motorcycle lurched into the night, his body pushing slightly against Oswald's. Once they gained speed, Jim felt more confident, but he didn't let go, enjoying not just Oswald's closeness, but also the way they sped past everything and how the wind howled by their heads.

 

The ride to the stadium was only ten minutes long, though Jim felt he could have done it for hours.

 

“Was it alright?” Oswald asked with a grin.

 

“It was amazing! And the way you drove between the cars was so cool!”

 

“Next time we’ll go faster, what do you say?” Oswald asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“You can.” Jim blushed when Oswald smiled at him, gently guiding him to the entrance with a hand on the small of his back.

 

The seats turned out to be pretty good, offering a good view of the ice rink. Jim put the helmets under their seats, feeling very proud that he could have such a badass accessory for a few hours.

 

“Do you think-”

 

Jim's words got stuck in his throat as Oswald unzipped his jacket, revealing a shirt for the opposing team, the Gotham Knights. 

 

“Do I think what?” Oswald asked cheekily. “That my team is going to kick your team’s collective butt? Oh, hell yes.”

 

Jim pretended to be upset, betrayed, putting a hand to his heart. “Such deceit! If I had known you were rooting for the Knights…”

 

“You wouldn't have invited me?” Oswald asked with a cheeky smile as he sat down.

 

Jim swallowed, yet again surprised by the cute freckles around Oswald's nose. It would probably be impossible to say no to such an innocent face.

 

“No, I couldn't do that. I'm not that strong,” Jim said, blushing.

 

Oswald just smiled at him, putting his hand over Jim’s. The student looked down surprised, then turned his hand over, slipping his fingers between Oswald's.

 

“Tell me more about your restaurant. It's yours, right? How come you deliver food as well?”

 

“It's mine, yes. I don't usually do deliveries unless we're short of staff, but when my mother heard your story, she wanted me to go.”

 

“God, she must think I'm such a wuss, “ Jim groaned, looking away.

 

“No, not at all. She just knows I have no problems getting them,” Oswald reassured Jim and squeezed his hand.

 

“Does she know you're on a date with me?”

 

“Yeah. Why?”

 

“What did she say? Didn't she tell you to get a better date?”

 

“Please, she was glad I even got one,” Oswald laughed, his cheeks becoming red.

 

“You're telling me you're not going on dates all the time?”

 

Oswald returned Jim's cheeky smile. “I could ask you the same, James.”

 

“Too busy. You must be even more so, with having your own restaurant. Which is very impressive, by the way.”

 

Jim was proud of himself that he managed to make Oswald blush.

 

“Thank you. It didn't come without its sacrifices.”

 

Oswald looked so dejected suddenly, that Jim wanted to ask him for details, but then the game started, and the noise level grew exponentially. By the time Jim looked back at him, Oswald had schooled his expression.

 

The match was exciting and unpredictable, the two teams being on the same level, so they had a hard time one-upping each other. Every time the Knights scored, Oswald would grin at Jim, who just shook his head, but couldn't stop smiling. 

 

After the second period, Oswald's team was three points ahead, and he made sure that Jim wouldn’t forget about it.

 

“Come on, Jim, don’t be sad. They might get one or two points in the final period.”

 

“Or maybe the Cubs will sweep the ice with the Knights.”

 

Oswald laughed. “If you say so. Want to go grab something?”

 

“Yes, I need something to drink.”

 

While they were perusing the menu, Jim suddenly felt Oswald tense up as a heavy-set, balding man touched his shoulder. 

 

“Hello there, Oswald,” he said with a slight lisp, grinning with malice in his dark eyes.

 

“Don Maroni,” Oswald gritted the name through his teeth, making Jim observe the obviously unpleasant man with more attention.

 

“How's the leg?” Don Maroni asked, lips widening into an ugly smirk.

 

Jim wanted to punch him; he didn’t care that the man was obviously a mafioso. Perhaps Oswald felt his sudden anger, because his fingers encircled Jim's wrist. The touch was 

gentle, barely there, but it sent shivers through Jim’s body.

 

“It’s fine,” Oswald said, never breaking eye contact with the don.

 

After a heavy moment, the mafioso grinned again. “See you around.”

 

Oswald watched him leave with a hard stare, his expression becoming ever angrier with each passing second. Jim was concerned about the don’s words, but right in that moment he just wanted Oswald to feel better.

 

“Do you want me to throw a milkshake at him?”

 

Oswald shook his head, smiling at Jim's attempt to cheer him up. “It's okay. Let's just get some food and go back.”

 

But the smile never reached his eyes, and Jim couldn't stand to see him troubled. He had to come up with a funny story. “You know, I won a hot dog eating contest a couple of years ago.”

 

Oswald raised his eyebrows. “Oh really?”

 

“Yes. I can  _ totally _ eat four in a minute.”

 

“Okay, big guy, let's see what you've got. If you can eat even three, I'm going to wear a Cubs t-shirt from now on.”

 

Jim didn't let his smile falter despite the fact that what he’d just told Oswald was a complete lie. Anything was better than seeing him worried. His mind wandered to Oswald wearing  _ his  _ shirt, and Jim felt giddy, but pushed that thought away. It was not the right time.

 

Oswald did buy four hot dogs, though he called dibs on one of them. “Before you eat the fourth one as you claim you can,” Oswald said cheekily, giving Jim the food while he carried the drinks.

 

Once they reached their seats, Oswald looked expectantly at Jim. He took one of the hot dogs, and reevaluated his choices. Perhaps he should have gone for something less messy.

 

“Ready?”

 

When Jim nodded, Oswald started the stopwatch. “Go!”

 

It was harder than he had anticipated. Jim couldn't swallow without chewing first, and the faster he tried to do It, the harder it got. Not even mentioning how messy it was, ketchup getting everywhere on his face.

 

“Thirty seconds left,” Oswald announced, watching Jim with an amused expression. “Somehow I find your earlier claims hard to believe, considering you haven't even finished one hot dog.”

 

Jim gave up about a third into the second one, taking the soda bottle Oswald offered him. He blushed, but Oswald had a soft look in his eyes, no mockery in them.

 

“Seems like I am out of practise.”

 

“Silly boy,” Oswald whispered, suddenly getting close. Jim forgot how to breathe as he let Oswald wipe ketchup stains from his cheek. He hoped Oswald would attribute his redness to the rubbing, not because he was so close that Jim could feel his amazing cologne.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“I should be the one thanking you,” Oswald said, very seriously. “For cheering me up.”

 

“Actually…” Jim looked down, not sure how to proceed. He wanted to say this before, but it was better in person. “I didn’t get to this, but I really appreciate you not making fun of my arachnophobia. I heard a lot of people say that I should just get over it or that I have no business becoming a policeman.”

 

“Oh yes, what would you do with all those spider criminals roaming the streets of Gotham?” Oswald said very seriously, making Jim snort. “Just ignore those stupid people.”

 

“There, you're all clean now,” he then announced, stroking Jim's cheek with his thumb.

 

Jim was sure he had a dumb expression on his face, but Oswald just smiled at him. His mood seemed to have improved, his forehead not marred by worry anymore. Jim let out a sigh of relief, smiling to himself. 

 

They finished the rest of the hot dogs while the game started again, the supporters of both teams cheering loudly for their favourites. Oswald was clapping for the Knights, Jim smiling at his enthusiasm. Biting his lip, he put his right arm around Oswald's shoulder.

 

The butterflies in Jim's stomach came to life again when Oswald smiled at him, leaning into his side. “It doesn't look very good for the Cubs,” he teased, even though the point difference between the two teams had barely increased.

 

“We’ll see about that,” Jim murmured, eyes drawn to Oswald's lips, swallowing hard. God, he wanted to kiss him so badly.

 

The last five minutes of the game grew in intensity; people were screaming and waving their team’s banners. Luck seemed to be on the side of the Knights, however; they managed to score twice, to Oswald's great delight – his good mood seemed to have returned  full force.

 

“I wish we had bet on something, I would have won so easily,” Oswald said, raising his eyebrows. 

 

“Like what?”

 

“I'm sure we would have figured out something,” Oswald replied, licking his lip.

 

Jim was flooded with heat at the look in Oswald's eyes, itching to reach out and touch him.

 

The last minute had the whole audience on their feet, Oswald and Jim included. Knights fans seemed to be counting down the seconds until their win, while the Cubs fans were encouraging their team to keep fighting.

 

When the referee blew the whistle, the Knights and their supporters alike raised their arms, chanting their song. Jim watched Oswald in awe, his whole face lit up and laughter bubbling up from his chest. Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise, then confetti started falling over them. Oswald looked up, then at Jim, and that was all it took.

 

Jim leaned in and pressed his lips against Oswald for a quick, but sweet kiss. He was watching for a reaction, a positive one hopefully, as he was almost certain that Oswald liked him a little bit.

 

“Sorry, I-” Jim started to mumble, but didn't get to finish his sentence.

 

“Come here,” Oswald said and pulled Jim closer, holding him tight as their lips met in a more fervent kiss.

 

The noise around them became muffled, Jim’s attention completely enraptured by Oswald's hand on his neck and his soft, soft lips. Jim held onto Oswald's leather jacket, fingers sliding down on the soft material.

 

“That was even better than the Knights winning,” Oswald said, brushing off confetti from Jim’s shoulders.

 

“I'm flattered.”

 

Jim blushed even further when Oswald took his hand. It was such a small gesture, but so affectionate and sweet. Jim squared his shoulders and walked more proudly.

 

As they were making their way through the parking lot, the two men were talking about the match. While Oswald still teased Jim about the Cubs losing, he admitted that they had fought very hard.

 

“They will win the next match.”

 

“Do you want to see it together?” Oswald asked as they stopped beside the motorcycle.

 

”I’d love to.” Jim looked down and smiled. “I really enjoyed this and - hey, what’s that?” He noticed something crawling on the handle of the motorcycle.

 

Before he could panic, Oswald put his right hand on Jim's nape, brought him closer and kissed him. His tongue was so distracting that Jim didn't even notice as Oswald flicked off the spider, he had completely melted against Oswald's chest and put his arms around him.

 

When they finally broke for air, Jim put his forehead against Oswald’s. “I see what you did there. I must say I enjoy your distraction tactics.”

 

Oswald giggled. “I was afraid you'd say you wouldn't get on the motorcycle anymore.”

 

“Well… I think I need more convincing.”

 

Oswald squinted at Jim, but gladly provided him with more kisses **.** “Will that suffice?”

 

“For now,” Jim replied cheekily.

 

They put on their helmets then and got on the motorcycle. Jim put his arms around Oswald's waist, hugging him snuggly.

 

Oswald turned his head. “Do you want to go fast?”

 

“Yes please.”

 

Jim smiled when Oswald patted his hand, then they were off, melting into the darkness. Although he couldn't know for sure, Jim had a good feeling about this. He let out a joyous yelp, and felt Oswald shaking with laughter against him.

 

This was going to be a great ride.

  
  



End file.
